Charlie and the Chocolate factory explained by an idiot (2023)

Introduction

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Content

Welcome to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that starts with chocolate bars being made and five golden things being played into them at random and sent off to random locations and the narrator introducing us to voice critical who lives with this family.

That is not rich, not powerful has no connections has no business, but as far as I can tell it's the only family with their own house and own land, otherwise they're probably stricken.

He lives in the Crooked House of those grandparents who have been bed with him for years, presumably and his mom and dad his mom is a stay-at-home mom who doesn't know how to chop food properly.

Curl your fingers or you'll lose them God.

Damn it Gordon Ramsay would be ashamed anyway.

Dad has a shitty low-paying job that hasn't capping off toothpaste, tubes and he brings back deformed toothpaste caps to give to Charlie, so he can play with him using that stuff.

He builds a small [ __ ] [ __ ] Factory out of them.

However, most of them are undeformed caps, which means that his dad was stealing from his job.

But that doesn't matter because this triggers Grandpa for rice to talk about how he used to work for Willy Wonka when he first started, making candy witnessing all his crazy impossible.

Creations like making life out of candy and making a whole chocolate Palace all things I will not comment on because some of the characters already comment on how impossible and batshit crazy.

These things are, and it's a Tim burn movie.

So it's pointless still gonna comment on other [ __ ], though so far as I was working for him on the factory was first built, but then loss of competitor candy makers are attending in spies to steal good recipes to make their own super cool.

Weird ass, impossible.

Candy! So will you simply fired every single person there and close the factory down forever till forever ended and he opened it up again recently, but hired absolutely no one.

Apart from delivery, drivers, I guess, but nobody and nothing comes in or out of that factory, except for candy and four eyes is like I'd, give anything to get back into that marvelous Chocolate Factory to see what's become of it, but other grandpa who's kind of bitter than all his life.

But you can't, and you won't and his wife who's got a faulty fuse in her brain because he's all dementia insane person hugs Charlie before bed and goes nothing impossible Charlie when he goes to sleep upstairs under a hole in the roof how's he not freezing to death.

How are they all not freezing to death? How are they all not dead because of the structurally unsound [ __ ] house hasn't collapsed on them.

Yet guess it's held up by Tim burtonisms as well.

Whatever that night things were set into motion by Mr Wonka, he sent people out I'm, guessing the truck drivers on bikes to go, hang out leaflets for everyone to read tomorrow.

That say that he hit five golden tickets and five random chocolate bars of his or five kids to find.

Whoever finds them gets invited to a tour of his Factory, and one of these kids will get a special big prize and that sends everyone into a chocolate buying frenzy and presumably Wonka stock through the [ __ ] roof Charlie begins to imagine what it'd be like to get one of those bars and find the cool ticket, but the only problem is: he only gets one a year on his birthday, which is next week and the better Grandpa's like you've got no chance.

Only people who can afford to buy a ton of this stuff, dude mark my words.

The first person to find a ticket is going to be a fat [, __ ], that's my type A guy right there.

That's basically me when I grow old.

Damn is that my future holy [ __ ] anyway, just like Grandpa hiboy predicted the first one to find the ticket was a fact from Dusseldorf Germany yeah.

They see his interview on TV and they're like what a repulsive fat [ __ ].

They basically bully every single winner.

They see on TV, which is great, I love it, and the next one is from buckinghamshire England she's a kid with a silver spoon stock straight up her ass, who forced her spine.

The super duper Rich Dad to divert all his Factory workers to opening up tons of chocolate he bought, so I could find one golden ticket for her and when one of his workers finally found it and tried to steal it, he just happened to be standing right next to her to take it out of her hand and stop her from doing this.

But luck involved in that is [ __, ] mind-boggling.

But whatever the grandparents see this on TV in their lips, then the parents come in to surprise Charlie with his birthday gift one week early and they sit down to open his one yearly bar of chocolate.

The hype is unreal: it's like FIFA Pack openings all over again.

They open it and sadly it's just chocolate and Charlie hits us with a solid Elise what it is and shares the chocolate among his family, one of his grandmas.

So, like crack and his daddy's lights portion like this, who the [ __ ] eats chocolate like this.

Do you have front teeth bro? Are they too sensitive or something doesn't matter? Third, kid to find a ticket is a hyper competitive bubble, gum chewing little [ __ ] they diss are on TV than the fourth kid who only bought one bar of candy and found the ticket immediately, because he cracked the chocolate distribution code with some [ __ ] made-up math homie, said he didn't even taste the chocolate because he hates chocolate.

So Grandpa haiba rips into this one, especially hard like, but it's a good thing of going to a chocolate factory, you're ungrateful little fat, then later his dad gets.

Let go from his job because they modernized or machineized I forgot.

What the word is, but you understand they got a robot to replace what he does, which blows and the Situation's super [ __ ] dire, but four eyes gives Charlie his entire life savings to buy one more candy bar for one more shot at the golden ticket.

So the kid runs off to buy a candy bar while the grandpa shuts his eyes and dies in his sleep only for the side of a chocolate bar to resuscitate and breathe life back into him.

The hype builds up again for another CS: go skin opening, but no luck again.

No ticket later on the kids wander around town.

Doing kid: [ __ ], when he stumbles upon 10 whole units of their National currency then goes into a store to buy one more chocolate bar for one more shot.

That's the store clerk, not give him any change back.

The does the chocolate bar cost a whole tenor.

Do they have coins that are worth a whole tenor where the [ __ ]? Does this movie take place? Apparently no one knows and it's confusing, as [ __ ] to find out, because they got British and American accents Russian and Swedish cars Dutch bikes in what looks like a fringe super depressed, Siberian, mining, town or whatever that doesn't matter because he opens a chocolate bar and Third Time Lucky.

He finds the golden ticket inside of it.

Here's how he [ __ ] loses his mind because it could win a ticket and the white people try to buy it off of him, but KSI good guy tells him to run back home for the tickets as fast as he can.

So he does.

That shows it takes his grandpa.

He sees it and he Springs out of bed wait a [ __ ] minute either that ticket has magical healing powers that fixes eyesight and cured his muscle atrophy from years of not moving or this [ __ ] was faking being too tired and old to work and making his family suffer when he was able-bodied enough to help out anyway says that they're able to take one member of the family, along with them, to watch over them on the first of February, on a tour of the factory and when they leave they'll, be gifted with truckloads of candy, and one of them will be gifted with an even bigger gift and they decide to send Grandpa for always along with him, yeah.

Okay, Charlie brush your teeth, wash your face, swipe your ass and rub one out for post-duck clarity, but Charlie thinks that they can sell the ticket for money because they really need it more than the chocolate since, on the way over here, Omen offered him 500 and exchange are thick and he thinks they can get more.

But then grandpa I was like honey.

A little donkey goes over.

Grandpa was like there's plenty of money out there they print more of it.

Every day it's called hyperinflation, I figured it out guys.

The search is over fear, not I, know where this takes place.

That's what we said in 2008 Zimbabwe mystery solved, so he continues like money.

Come money go, but the experience of the golden ticket is forever only a [, __, ], [ __ ] would pass that up.

Are you a [ __ ] [, __ ]? No, sir attaboy now go plug one out like he said all the winners lined up in front of the factory next day and Willy Wonka lets them and grease them with the Flaming.

Animatronic show and tries to speak to them, but he is the social [ __ ] that hasn't spoken to anybody in years.

So he defaults back to every programmer's first line of code like Hello World then lets them in the factory.

All the kids start trying to suck his dick to get closer to that big special prize I mean that figuratively, of course, they're trying to suck up them and get close to the prize kiss his ass.

Basically, somehow that's a more appropriate phrasing for this Violet Stars I am like Mr Wonka, I'm violence, I'm, Veruca, Salt, I'm, Augustus and I love your chocolate, but we'll just like.

Don't care, don't care, don't care, still, don't care, I, don't care! I! Don't even has a small aneurysm while trying to say the word parents before they move along with the Torah Augustus lets out the sneeze slapper of a joke, chocolate sure.

Then you should have water behold.

Everyone you've just witnessed Peak German humor you're gonna unlock the super small door that doesn't actually have a keyhole and opens like a big door, making the fact that you have to unlock it by bending down completely [ __, ] and stupid, but it's Tim burnism, whatever they get into this magical room where everything they see is edible, not eatable.

It's pronounced, edible, okay, you're one to talk, shut up, my video, the flowing river of melted chocolate.

He tells everyone to go, enjoy the Delectables Mike TV goes to be the structure brat, while Violet calls Charlie a loser and hides her gum at the back of her next to continue doing it later that, my dear dumb child is the perfect way to get gum stuck on your hair, also shouldn't.

He have told them to take their shoes off before they entered a room where literally everything inside they can eat and are probably stepping over [ __ ] that they want to eat, or at least put some baggies on their feet, doesn't matter fat, boys being a gluttonous cow when the rest of them spot their first sighting of the hard-working Factory workers that are essentially miniature clones of the same old, random, Indian dude, but in this movie, they're called Oompa Loompas, who are voluntary slave workers to Willy Wonka because he pays them on cocoa beans that are very sought.

After by them he got them from lupaland, which doesn't actually exist, but whatever Tim Burton, also don't bloopers like to make fun of people dying.

Lulu then Fatboy spotted trying out some of the chocolate, River and Willie says hey little boy.

My chocolate must be Untouched by human hands, but you just said to enjoy, by extension of the weakness of that statement.

That means everything enjoy everything now you could have said enjoy everything apart from the chocolate River.

But you didn't that's on you Willy the kid drops to a turkey.

He can't swim and then a tube comes along to suck out some chocolates into a room to make some chocolate bars and then he accidentally sucks him up as well.

He gets stuck in the middle too, and no group who starts singing a song about how fat this [, __, ] is and bullying him talking about how he's dealing live and [ __, ] and also their skin and clothes.

For some reason are chocolate hydrophobic, unlike Augustus, which doesn't make sense, but whatever matua puts his back into it and sucks him up, takes him away to the chocolate making room and if it suck more Chuck it up like that covering him inside.

So we can't see him.

He should have died on the way VIA chocolate drowning, but whatever Willie sends off the mama mother, Oompa Loompas to the room where he's supposed to get boiled alive before he gets boiled alive.

The poke his stick in the bowl where he's gonna end up with and find him and everyone's like that.

Sound rehearsed, like Willie, planned for this to happen, or some [ __ ] and he's like it's called improv.

Also still don't care, they keep moving and getting to a boat, and they do gets a flashback of a childhood where he was out trick-or-treating as a KKK member and his dentist's father burned all his Halloween candy hall, because he doesn't want him to destroy his teeth and then we snap back to reality huge Tim Burton's coming in they go down a tunnel and end up having some amusement park.

Fun then go by a series of very important rooms according to Willy Wonka and hop off at the inventing room.

He shows them experimental candies.

Some finished like the long lasting golf stop room some not so finished like hair toffee.

That grows your hair on top of your head and they missed out on the opportunity of making a joke about Mike's pedo, dad with a co-over covering his bald spot.

But that's okay.

The thing grows away too much hair and, lastly, this stick of gum.

That is a full course meal that has a problem which gives you drastic side effects.

When you hit the very last meal, that is blueberry flavored the annoying blonde, but shower, does not care and takes it to chew it, against all the advice and Orders of the grown-ups, not too, because I'm a champion gun, shooter I can do whatever to choose, hits all the flavors.

Once you go to Blueberry Posh, she starts turning blue from her nose and after that she starts swelling and ballooning up into a giant blueberry and at no point during her literal physical deformations.

Does she actually hate everybody's advice and spit out the piece of [ __ ] gum anyway, the Chupa dupa lupus come out to make fun of her sing a song and dance about her.

Then Wonka sends off her mom and the child to go squeeze the [ __ ] out of her kid to get all the juice out and make her normal again.

They keep moving on foot now, because the boat is being used to transport, the big blueberry [ __ ].

It's a good thing to see that there's another way to access these rooms, though he gets another childhood flashback of him, trying candy behind his father's back and ready them.

Then they go into the nut, sorting room which is made up of a bunch of squirrels or sorting and cracking open walnuts.

Ain't that a bit unhygienic like do.

Health Inspectors come in here I'm sure the tough coats for factories that make food right.

No, no one comes in or out, except for candy, that's what they said right and how the [ __ ].

Does he? How does he legally operate this [ __ ] until stuff? Doesn't matter I'm overthinking this the squirrels sort, the nuts and throw the bad ones into this hole.

So they see that enrichment is like that day.

I want to squirrel, so he asked Willy Wonka to buy one but will walk until something they're, not for sale.

She can't have one so she's like, but he can't do anything so she decides to go, get one herself and slip through the gate walks through the not soaring place and all the squirrels look at her like who that, what's going on Steve, we see a two Jensen holy [ __ ] watch out.

Don't you dare come near me? [ __, ] I once kill the CEO with a [ __ ] hot dog that Wonka dude's been feeding us.

Nothing but LSD engagement, rape, [, __, ], touch me and so help me.

God woman, Hell, hath, no fury like squirrels do the squirrels attack.

While the dad is fully one could open a tiny gate and he keeps fumbling around with the keys.

While the squirrels go, pin her down to the check if she's a bad nut like now.

Let's see, knock, knock yup, nothing in there she's rotten boys they throw down the garbage shoot which leads to the incinerator, and only after that happens does Wonka find the key to open the gate for the father.

That guy is no obstacle for a grown ass man.

You can totally hop over it.

The father is a [ __ ].

All the parents are [ __ ], the mom of the fat.

Kid didn't even ask Will it to stop the slot machine or try and jump into the drink.

To save her son, Blondie's mom didn't forcibly try to take the [ __ ] gum out of her kid's mouth, like a dog that is chewing something he's not supposed to and they all just stood idly by, enjoying the show also they should have feared for their children after the first guy got [ __ ].

Definitely after the second, you know what they say hold me.

One! Shame on you, fool me twice.

Shame on poop I, don't know what I'm saying anymore, whatever let's keep going.

Thankfully, the interior is not working that day and all that has to do is go after her Pine term and get her out, and while he steps in the ring, the UMP was come out to do the usual thing, sing and dance while they throw some trash and perfect good food down the shoe and a squirrel kicks the father inside they keep moving with the tour and into a glass elevator that goes up down sideways slamways, every single way, not slapping down and passed by a lot of non-tensical magical rooms that I'm not gonna, come around I'm just going to enjoy the spectacle.

Another flashback happens of him running away from home and his dad saying that when he comes back he won't be here.

So he runs away for like a couple hours or some [ __ ], and then he comes back and finds that the house is completely gone.

The dude detach it from the [ __, ] block and air lifted it out.

When the penis swaddling [ __ ], was at whatever, while the firework artillery room.

Mike wants to choose a room himself, so he picks the television room and they start redirecting to make their way over there.

And one thing I will comment on in this sequence: is the complete and other disregard for the laws of physics and inertia that are clearly present because For one when the boats are moving in the chuckle River? Will he jolted backwards suddenly when it started moving, but he is completely unaffected from all the [ __ ], very abrupt motions of this elevator.

Another thing is they keep using the shot of them slamming into the glass when the abrupt motion of the elevator takes place? Also, the last time it took place, they started moving forward and they slammed forward to the glass shouldn't happen.

They should trip backwards, but whatever it doesn't matter, they get to the television room where he had the idea to send chocolate through the TV.

So anybody could reach into the TV and grab a chocolate bar and have one and I'm not gonna rip into him, for why and hell that's impossible, because the getaway does that for me, they bring in a huge chocolate bar to do a demonstration it has to evict to make up for the fact that it's going to be extremely tiny on TV, which is a huge waste but Willy Wonka logic.

Whatever he presses the button, he gets Zapped away and they flip the channel to 2001 A, Space, Odyssey and the chocolate bar replaces the monolith.

That's there I'm trying to use it and takes it out.

It takes a bite, it's actually real works and Mike TV gets mad at Willy Wonka for inventing [ __ ] teleportation and using it on freaking.

Candy then runs over to the machine, presses the button and stand inside the machine itself.

So he gets Zapped away into the TV, but the parent does the usual [ __ ] job of stopping himself and doing the stupid thing and he gets sent to the TV starts singing and the channel is about his stupidity and making fun of him as usual.

Then the dad reaches in and takes him out as a tiny little piece of [ __ ] human, and he gets taken away by a [, __ ] Hindu guy, to go stretch his son out in a Taffy stretcher to make a normal size Again by the way on that channel, where the Oompa Loompa gets into the shower with Mike, he looks directly up unless wearing a bathing suit that kid look directly at his dick and balls.

Don't look at me, it's the movie that did it I'm, just putting it out anyway, Walker realizes that Charlie was the only one left so by default he wins.

He congratulates him when they get into the elevator to shoot out of the tallest chimney and turns into a rocket power.

Elevator more laws of physics are ignored.

They fly past all the kids leaving the factory Augustus is covered in chocolate either that or he has somehow morphed into a part.

Chocolate himself.

Blue girl is still blue, but back to normal size with extreme facility ability, Rich screens are now covered in garbage and Mike is now 2D and very tall.

They go over to Charlie's house and Causeway.

One cause a dick just like his name implies they crash land inside the house.

Come on.

That has to be the last straw that topples over this completely [ __ ] house.

There's no way it's still standing.

Whatever will explains that he's gonna give Charlie this whole Factory, because one day he figured out that he's getting old and he needs an error to give him all the [ __ ] when he dies.

So he made this whole golden ticket.

[ __ ] and invited five kids to the factory and decided to give the factory to the least one child and Charlie's that winner.

So he doesn't take him over and be his partner now and give him the thing when he dies hand.

Penguin zero asks him if he can take assembly without one cause like, of course not so Charlie refuses to come because he's watched enough Fast and Furious movies to know how important family is I know.

I've used a version of that joke multiple times before and no I.

Don't think it's getting old bite me.

Would he leave surprised as [ __ ] that the kid refused such an offer and he's kind of sounding disappointed by that then the buckets tell me look starts turning around: they don't Sue Willy Wonka for damaging their house and fix the roof themselves.

I wonder if they ever got the truckloads of chocolate, they were promised and profitable for them by selling them I wonder if anybody got the chuckles with chocolate doesn't matter the kids dad gets a better job fixing the machine.

The toothpaste company got to replace him.

Four eyes is way more active in helping around the house, but Willie is in his slump.

His chocolates and candy ideas aren't selling that good.

So it goes to therapy and figures out the reason that he's making [ __ ] inventions and candy ideas is because he feels like [ __ ].

So the golden seeks out Charlie in the street and asks him what makes him feel better when he feels like [ __ ], and he tells him that Dominic, the better makes him feel that family makes him feel better Broncos like ill.

So Charlie offers to go visit, Wonka's dad with him, because he's too [ __ ] through alone and I, don't know how they found it, but they take the rocket elevator to go to the hill that his dad [ __ ] airlifts his house over to they go in for tooth checkup, where there are newspaper clippings of Willy.

Wonka's achievements throughout the year is obviously meaning that his dad is proud of him and the dude recognizes his son through inspecting his teeth.

They Embrace and make up I guess: Willy makes the same off to Charlie again, who accepts on the condition his family comes with till they transport the whole [ __ ] house into the factory.

Try not working with him and I'm guessing becoming an insanely Rich multi-millionaire via osmosis.

They sit down to have dinner one because now, basically part of the family with insane Grandma telling him you smell, like penis, and you smell, like experimental medications and IV bags, and they all live happily.

Ever after this movie gets 58, Snickers bars out of 60 Reese's cups, [Music] foreign.